I don’t know about you, but I constantly struggle with the sense that I need to be trying to make a positive difference in the world. Yikes, saying it like that makes it sound bad. Let me rephrase that: I really, really, want to make a positive difference in the world, and doing so is challenging. I get grand ideas of how I might approach doing so–most of which either completely flop or turn out to be ridiculously less grandiose than I anticipated.
I suppose part of the difficulty is that it’s impossible to know if I’ve made a difference or not. Even the occasional compliment or expression of gratitude sometimes leaves me thinking, “Are they being genuine, or just trying to make me feel better?”
Not that I should complain about being there for someone when they feel the need to offer the service of paying someone a compliment–I’ll take it any time, but it does leave me wondering if I’m really leaving a mark.
And I know–I know; it’s really about the little things, the kind word, the smile, the simple act of service. I know those are the more important actions that truly make a difference.
But don’t you get that nagging sensation that in addition to those things, you ought to be doing more?
Maybe I’m just weird, but I have that sensation almost constantly. Does it mean I really need to be doing more, or just that I’m suffering from anxious ADHD energy overload? Or maybe both.
Anyways, I’ll keep trying.