Ode To My Kia Sedona

Maybe someday I’ll put this to music, but for now, here’s my latest poetic composition…

Ode to My Kia Sedona
by Chas Hathaway

I can’t help but thinking
The one I have now’s not sufficient
My old pick,
But not too aesthetic
I’d long since gave up as deficient

The first time I saw you
I knew you’d be mine
You wanted me too
After six months garaging full-time

Reflecting bright
the mid-day light
The hue of the sun’s full corona
A brilliant white
I venture to write
This ode to my Kia Sedona

Your battery,
No flattery,
Made sounds that were clattery
The price to get fixed made me cower
At great cost,
Your defrost,
When came calling Jack Frost
A short wired fuse drained your power

So to the mechanic
I drove you that day
The price made me panic
As I walked irately away

Reflecting bright
the mid-day light
The hue of the sun’s full corona
A brilliant white
I venture to write
This ode to my Kia Sedona

Now camping,
After wilderness stamping
We notice you had a flat tire
Replace it,
Now race it,
A new flat displaced it
Halfway home – I think cars conspire

Back to the shop
Once again you won’t start
Alternator’s a flop
‘Till we save up the cost for the part

In case you’re ideal’s
on a new set of wheels
Before your trip through Arizona
Consider my plight
Get the car that’s right
Just don’t get a Kia Sedona

When your Car’s a Lemon, Make Lemonade

Cars are like people. It’s the messed up ones that have the fascinating personalities. It’s the lemons that have all the great stories. How many funny stories are there about brand new flawless cars? I am no mechanic. I know very little about the inner workings of an automobile, but I have a good deal of experience working with junky cars.

Image courtesy of iGeir Halvorsen/i on Flickr
Image by Geir Halvorsen on Flickr

The key to coping with a clunker is to have a sense of humor. With the right approach, this can be easy.

Ourtwo’s suggestions for getting the most out of a clunker.

1. Name your car.

Naming your car gives you the first glimpses into its personality. The most recent car that my wife and I had was a small white ’96 Dodge neon. We named him Ourtwo, after R2D2 on Star Wars, because he had so many odd creaks and squeaks and he looked like him. We even bought some boat letters and plastered his name on his bumper. I admit, the spelling was a little wacky, but that too added to Ourtwo’s personality. People would read the letters and say, “What’s Ah-oort-wo?”

2. Know your car’s personality.

This is essential if you are ever to get along with your car. You must recognize that your car has its own ideas about things. Your car has an attitude. It also has fears and eccentricities. Some even have obsessive-compulsive behaviors. Ourtwo was a good car, but he was incredibly doctor-shy. Every time we took him to the mechanic, his symptoms would magically vanish. The first couple times I thought it was an amusing irony, but after the 4th and 5th time, I realized that Ourtwo had a phobia.

Ourtwo also had a strange left-turn signal. When you first pushed the signal, it would click like normal, but as soon as you pressed the brake, the clicker would go berserk. Sometimes it would just stay on. Sometimes it would double it’s pace. Sometimes it would double it’s pace, then triple, and get faster and faster until it stayed on completely all in a matter of about 3 seconds. Other times it would change to a random pace, clicking without any conceivable pattern. We decided Ourtwo was trying to tell us something, since there seemed to be no way of predicting which click style he would use each time. So we made up a chart with all of the clicks, and assigned each to a fortune or prediction so Ourtwo could let us know by means of the left turn signal what kind of premonition he was Continue reading When your Car’s a Lemon, Make Lemonade