“I could be wrong, but I think it’s a monkey.”
I have to give this guy credit. It took me about five minutes to get my recorder up and running, all the while he was just waiting. I had to get him to start his schpeel while I rebooted the program. Then he stayed on the phone for a good fifteen minutes or so after that. I’m surprised he didn’t catch on when I asked him if they do Hot-dog delivery. But when I demonstrated that I am interested in what he is trying to sell me, I found a way to get him to offer me an eleven cent rebate… well… sort of.
You have to listen at the very end – after I hang up. I think the guy’s cough is a cover for his laughter. I’m quite sure I made his day.
They FINALLY called again! Those wonderful telemarketer friends of mine, oh, how I love it when they call. As with most of the other times, this was totally adlib – which is kind of obvious as I bumble at the beginning with useless displays of idiocy. But when the kids started crying in the background, it sparked an idea…
I would like to pay a special tribute at this time to a friend. He is hero of sorts. But the poor guy has one of the worst jobs in the world – he demonstrates all the horrendous things that could happen to the rest of us if we are not careful. He is the universal Stick Figure Guy. This guy is like a mix between Martin Short and Evel Knievel. Many adventures, but they NEVER go well for him.
You might have seen him around. He can be found around machinery, cleaning supplies, and just about anywhere where something can go wrong.
You might say he is always at the wrong place at the wrong time. If something goes wrong, he’s there – in fact, he’s in it. He’s the victim. Always.
Let’s look at some examples:
Somehow, Stick Figure Guy managed to… trip? For some reason he had his arms behind his back as he went down, too. I suppose the Continue reading A Tribute to Stick Figure Guy
One of my family’s major hobbies is inventing games. This is a party game we came up with called Three Part Stories. It’s one of those games that guarantees some great laughs, and takes a little bit of creativity.
If you’ve ever done chain stories, where one starts a story, and then the next person continues it, and so forth, then you have GOT to try the story game. It is hilarious to the extreme!
If you cannot see the video, you can watch in on Youtube.
Now for the fun part: Here are the finished stories: Continue reading Party Game: Three Part Stories
Hooda thunk? My old buddy from high school called! Okay, so he thought I thought he was an old buddy…
Okay, I think this is my record time – one minute thirty seconds. But I think the “stalkemarketer” was convinced I was sincere.
Hooray! Another Telemarketer called! As usual, this was totally on the spot. I started with one idea, which flopped pretty quick. The rest of the time I bumbled along, but I think I’m pleased with the result.
I was once given a fabulous original recipe invented by my sisters called “Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake. When my birthday came, Jenni and I thought it would be nice to make this cheesecake in place of the traditional birthday cake. When the time to make it came, we were a little short on time and ingredients, so we made a few minor alterations. The result was our own original recipe, which we call “Strawberry Must (MUsh with crUST)”.
Strawberry Must: (MUsh and cruST)
A variation of Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake
Title: Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake
1 package (8-ounce size) cream cheese, softened
1 1/2 eggs
8 oz. Yoplait vanilla yogurt
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1 tbsp. lemon juice
1/2 cup sugar
3/4 cup water
1/2 cup flour
1 pint raspberries
1 tbsp. lemon juice
1/8 cup water
1/8 cup sugar
2 tbsp. flour
A favorite chocolate sauce
1 Graham Cracker pie crust (10-inch)
That’s the recipe, and rather than giving you the real directions, I will give you the directions that WE followed.
Heat oven to 350 degrees F.
Begin by making crust from the following recipe (since you forgot to buy graham crackers at the store):
Perfect Pie Crust
1 cups shortening
3 cups flour
1 Tb. vinegar or lemon juice
5 Tb. cold water
1 egg, beaten
2 pie tins
Bakes in 10 minutes
Since you don’t have all these ingredients, don’t bother measuring anything just estimate. Mix flour with a bunch of vegetable oil (since you don’t have stick butter to substitute for the shortening that you also don’t have). Throw in some lemon juice and an egg (unbeaten since you didn’t read the recipe through). Cut with pastry blender and then press into 9X13 pan.
Bake for half of an hour or until very crispy and freshly brown.
While crust is cooking, mix filling.
Since you only have hour left before you have to eat it, combine with the following no-bake recipe ingredients:
8 oz. Cream cheese
14 oz can sweet condensed milk
c. lemon juice
1 t. vanilla
Graham cracker crust
Topping (21 oz. can pie filling is enough for 2 cheesecakes)
Combine the 2 8 oz. cream cheeses with 16 oz. of yogurt. Mix in somewhere around 1 Tb. Lemon Juice. Whip.
In a saucepan, mix about 2 Tb water with about the same amount of corn starch. Mash up a package of strawberries and toss them into the pan. dump in enough sugar to make it sweeter. Let boil on stove for about 10 minutes on medium heat.
Mix strawberry mixture into cream-cheese mixture, and poor onto crust when crust is ready. Chill in freezer for 1 to 2 minutes.
Serve immediately, but do not eat. It will be too mushy, so just let it sit at the park for a few hours before returning home. Then place in freezer for a day. Take out the next evening to let it thaw, and then serve and eat. Serves about 10 people.
If this recipe makes ANY sense to you, you’re probably a great cook, because it certainly didn’t make any sense to us at the time. Though I do recommend trying the recipe from which our Strawberry Must originated. You should have no problem having more success than we did.