Sure beats P90X

Every time my extended family starts getting into something, I start taking interest in it, too. For example, a couple years ago my brother started a blog, and before long, we all jumped on the bandwagon. Singing was the same way. My dad started taking singing lessons years ago, and we all started singing around the house. Soon we were all singing in talent shows and anywhere we could.

Now it’s exercise. Everyone’s got a different kind, but we’re all exercising.

But I’m not sure most people understand mine.

Of course, if I wasn’t doing it, I’m sure I wouldn’t take it seriously either. Come to think of it, I don’t take it very serious now – one things for sure, it’s a good work out.

So what’s my exercise?

Line dancing! That’s right – the Boot Scootin’ Boogie, Electric Slide, Macarena – you name it! Remember the good old days when it was actually kind of cool, say in jr. high, for example, to know all the moves when Cotton-Eyed Joe comes on? And remember how there were always those dorky kids that could never seem to get the moves down before the song was over? Yeah, see that was me.

No longer.

Now, I’m like king of the… well… living room floor. I can flawlessly bust out the Tush Push, Macarena (we found a Spanish only version of the song), Achy-Breaky Heart, Celtic Slide, Electric Slide, Boot Scoot, Charleston, Cotton-Eyed Joe, Slappin’ Leather, and the newest addition, the Heian Shodan – which, I should add, is not actually a line dance, but a martial art exercise that works great with “Everybody was Kung-Fu Fighting.” (I saw a random video of some guys doing it at a wedding dance, and knew I had to learn it for that very purpose) And those don’t include our original choreographed line dance for Foot Loose, and the improvised dances we do with The River Sings (Enya) and Fireflies. Actually, Jenni and I have been doing it together, and learning and coming up with dances together. With Fireflies, we tear up grocery bags into big long streamers and dance around swinging them everywhere trying to keep them from touching the ground. With the Enya one, we do a simple running around dance that’s simple enough for the kids to do with us.

My favorite, and the one that’s a horribly painful workout is the Charleston – though I’m not sure our Charleston is the real Charleston, since it doesn’t look like the one in the Youtube videos. Someone suggested it might be the Lindy Hop, but those videos looked as different as the Charleston, so I don’t know what our dance really is.

Anyway, I never realized how incredibly FUN line dances are! I always enjoyed them as a teenager, but I didn’t know how to do them. Of course, they didn’t have Youtube to teach you back then. Now you can learn aaaaannnnyyything on Youtube. Plus you can find all the tunes on Playlist.com.

So if you ever drive by our place on a random evening, and the lights are on, listen carefully, you might hear, “Heeeey, Macarena!”

The Grand Spam Award!

As I’ve mentioned before, I get a lot of spam comments on this blog, and instead of spamming them, I’ve decided to simply break their links and respond to them. (which is a good heads up, too. If I ever respond to your comments in a bizarre or senseless way, it means I mistook your comment for spam – I try to be polite and encourage comments, so don’t hold back!).

Anyway, some of these are better than others, and I have such a great time responding that I decided that my favorite spam comments would get an prize: The Grand Spam Award.

The Grand Spam Award for October goes to…

Wait for it… wait for it…

Orchard Bank!

Okay, so I got a very special message recently from the pre-qualifing, risk-free, fast and foaming Orchard Bank. Okay, so I added the foaming part – but not without excuse. Here’s the comment:


Thank you for this suggestions good evaluate; this will be the type of consideration that retains me although out the day.I have forever extended been wanting around to your web-site correct just after I observed about these from a shut good friend and was happy when I was in a very place to discover it correct subsequent to searching out for some time. Becoming a knowledgeable blogger, I’m happy to obtain out other people taking gumption and adding towards the neighborhood. I just desired to review to exhibit my understanding on your publish as it’s really moving, and tons of online writers usually do not get the credit score they really should have. I am good I’ll be back and can send out a handful of of my contacts.

Thanks, Orchard Bank. I’m glad that you will be retained throughout the day.

I can only assume that your message is being written in one of those codes where you just need to skip every few words in order for it to make sense. If so, I think I understand the interpretation.

I do have a question, though. What is a shut friend? Is that a friend who doesn’t talk, or a friend who has been shut into something – such as an old refrigerator? Contextually speaking, I’m assuming the latter, since you speak of searching (for him/her?) for some time. But then you speak of obtaining people, as if collecting them. Perhaps, then, it’s not an old refrigerator, but a large human aquarium. Yes, that makes sense. That would mean that you searched diligently and found a friend to shut into the aquarium. It would take a lot of gumption to pull that off.

Then you blog about your little human aquarium neighborhood.

Then you have someone review the exhibit, like you said, perhaps on their own blog.

I had no idea Orchard Bank sponsored human aquariums. At first I didn’t realize that’s what you were talking about, but after a careful reading of your comment, it’s quite clear. You search out and collect friends who are writers with bad credit scores or publishers who move a lot and shut them in a giant aquarium to exhibit. Then you blog about it all. Indeed, it would take a lot of gumption to pull that off.

Unfortunately, I don’t have such an aquarium, so sending me contacts won’t do much good. If you did send them, I’d just let them go.

– The Good Evaluate

Macaroni Bandaid

When it comes to kid injuries, Band-Aids can fix anything. If only they weren’t so dang expensive. Tootles had been having a crash boom bang day by dinnertime already tonight when he pinched his finger between his chair and the table. The wails were followed by blubbering begs for that traditional toddler cure-all. There was no blood at all, and if we gave Tootles a Band-Aid even half as often as he asked for one, I’d need a second job just to pay for them all.

So I said, “Hey, Tootles, I know what you need!”

He paused his wails long enough to see what I had in mind.

I pulled a spaghetti noodle out of the pot and said, “A macaroni band-aid!”

He shook his head. “No. I want a Bam-baid!”

“This is a Band-Aid!” I said, “It’s a macaroni Band-Aid. Don’t you want it for your finger?”

He shook his head.

“Alright,” I said, “I’ll just give it to Squeaker then.” Then I held the noodle out to nine-month-old Squeaker, who’s flailing hands caught it mid-swing and mashed it to her mouth before Tootles had a chance to protest.

There were a few silent seconds (other than the sound of vigorous Squeaker slurps), and then another scream from Tootles. “I want it! I want it!”

Now, of course I wasn’t about to take macaroni from a baby, but I did use the daddy slight-of-hand trick that involved taking another noodle from the pot and making a motion as if taking the noodle from Squeaker. It almost backfired when Squeaker was also momentarily fooled by the trick, but finding that her noodle was still hanging safely from her mouth, she commenced slurping her prize. Then I coiled the “recovered” noodle around Tootles’ sore finger.

By the end of dinner, the Band-Aid had been devoured and the soreness had been forgotten.

I think this opens a whole new world for toddler Band-Aid treatment.

Fun with Telemarketers: Mutant Alien Carrots

If you decide to enhance your carrot crop, don’t use fertilizer gathered from meteorite craters in Madagascar…

Just saying.