Three Year Old Scriptorian

When we read scriptures as a family, our kids like to read, too, but of course none are old enough to read alone, so when they want to be the reader, Jenni or I will read a few words to them, let them repeat them, and we go back and forth until the verse is read.

We were just about to get started today, and Jenni said, “Tootles, would you like to read?”

“Yeah!” he shouted,  “And it came to pass…”

Macaroni Bandaid

When it comes to kid injuries, Band-Aids can fix anything. If only they weren’t so dang expensive. Tootles had been having a crash boom bang day by dinnertime already tonight when he pinched his finger between his chair and the table. The wails were followed by blubbering begs for that traditional toddler cure-all. There was no blood at all, and if we gave Tootles a Band-Aid even half as often as he asked for one, I’d need a second job just to pay for them all.

So I said, “Hey, Tootles, I know what you need!”

He paused his wails long enough to see what I had in mind.

I pulled a spaghetti noodle out of the pot and said, “A macaroni band-aid!”

He shook his head. “No. I want a Bam-baid!”

“This is a Band-Aid!” I said, “It’s a macaroni Band-Aid. Don’t you want it for your finger?”

He shook his head.

“Alright,” I said, “I’ll just give it to Squeaker then.” Then I held the noodle out to nine-month-old Squeaker, who’s flailing hands caught it mid-swing and mashed it to her mouth before Tootles had a chance to protest.

There were a few silent seconds (other than the sound of vigorous Squeaker slurps), and then another scream from Tootles. “I want it! I want it!”

Now, of course I wasn’t about to take macaroni from a baby, but I did use the daddy slight-of-hand trick that involved taking another noodle from the pot and making a motion as if taking the noodle from Squeaker. It almost backfired when Squeaker was also momentarily fooled by the trick, but finding that her noodle was still hanging safely from her mouth, she commenced slurping her prize. Then I coiled the “recovered” noodle around Tootles’ sore finger.

By the end of dinner, the Band-Aid had been devoured and the soreness had been forgotten.

I think this opens a whole new world for toddler Band-Aid treatment.

Lunch Bucket Canon: The Piece that Didn’t Make the Cut

Lunch Bucket Canon

In preparing The Ancestor CD, I had one piece that was intended to go on the album, but didn’t make the cut.  It needs some fixing up, and hopefully I’ll have it ready for publication later.  So it’s been sitting on my computer rotting for a couple months.  Then I realized that just because it’s not ready to sell doesn’t mean I can’t share it on my blog!  So here’s the piece that didn’t make the cut for my new CD.

Lunch Bucket is my daughter’s nickname, and I have a tradition of writing a lullaby for each of my kids.  After writing one for Lunch Bucket, I realized that the melody fits with the chord progression to Pachelbel’s Canon in D. So I made a little medley that is basically a variation on Canon in D, though it’s really Canon in C when I play it.

Oh, and I should tell you up front – this is NOT a solo.  It takes at least three people.  If I ever play this one in an up-close concert, I might even have everyone who can play Canon in C come up and jam along!

Pills, Punkins, and a Trip to the ER

Oh. my. kids.

If I had a nickel for every time they get into something they shouldn’t, I’d be dead – buried alive in nickels.  Lunch Bucket is potty training (which could merit its own blog – not blog entry, blog).  We stayed the night last night at Jenni’s parents’ house.  They do a decent job keeping the house toddler-resistant, but toddlers find a way.  Oh, they find a way.

Lunch Bucket went and used the potty and then washed her hands, and from the kitchen I could hear that the water running, and running.  Worried that she might be flooding the bathroom, I called out to her, and Jenni went in to check on her, and found her happily washing her hands – which of itself was fine, but there were two half-dissolved acid relief pills in the sink.  Then she saw the empty bottle on the counter and a few spilled about in the shelf above the sink.  Jenni immediately began examining Lunch Bucket for signs of ingestion.  Lunch Bucket insisted she hadn’t had any.

Jenni called me in, and we looked for any evidence that she might have eaten some.  We couldn’t find any, other than the half dissolved pills (does water dissolve pills like that?) in the sink, but wanted to be sure, so we called poison control.  I think I have their phone number memorized now.  Our kids each have a record, and all their files involve ingestion: Tylenol, neon light bulb powder, diaper cream (yuck!), and now acid relief pills.  They suggested that we’d better take her into the emergency room – just in case.

Jenni took her and I stayed back with Tootles.  About ten minutes later, Jenni came back worried that perhaps Tootles might have been the culprit earlier in the day.  So off we went on our family adventure to the increasingly familiar emergency room (mind you, we’ve always had healthy, albeit very curious kids).

They started out with the typical procedures, sign in, weight check, $150 co-pay (good grief… Obama’s health plans are looking better every day).  Then we were assigned to a room.

Three hours later we were released with no signs of any problem.  Three late night hours, mind you.  Three sleep-deprived hours, with a rambunctious Tootles (have I told you of his restless tendencies at hospitals?  Or about Jenni getting yelled at by an old lady for not letting him play with the fun rattly bottles in the pharmacy?  Oh, he’s a BIG fan of hospitals…).

In the end, there was no problem.  They hadn’t taken anything.

All I can say is thank heaven for the movie Ratatouille.  Love that show.  Great for food appreciators.  Only trouble was, when we finally got home, I couldn’t go to bed before enjoying a tasty midnight snack.

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Look at those faces.  How could they NOT be up to something?

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Phonecall with Lunch Bucket

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Lunch Bucket Phonecall

Jenni called me at work, and Lunch Bucket begged for the chance to talk to me.  After about five minutes, I realized it would be fun to record the rest of the call, so I did.  This is about half of the call.

Tribute: I Love You, Mom!

Tis the season to feel guilty,
falalalalaaaa-la-la-la-la.
Mourning that the house is filthy,
falalalalaaaa-la-la-la-la.
Screaming kids and lazy father,
falala-lalala-la-la-la.
Makes me wonder why I bother,
falalalala-la-la-la-laaaaa!

Now that mother’s day’s approaching,
falalalalaaaa-la-la-la-la.
Listen to the old-folks’ coaching,
falalalalaaaa-la-la-la-la.
Think of all your rotten mistakes
falala-lalala-la-la-la.
Work, and just ignore the back-aches
falalalala-la-la-la-laaaaa!

Spare me.

Every year I hear the wonderful things about mothers, and I love it, but every year I hear mothers complain because it makes them feel so terribly inadequate.
I think it’s sad that mothers hearing about how wonderful mothers are makes them feel guilty.  Of course they feel inadequate!  They’re are inadequate.
Has any mother really been adequate to Continue reading

Fang Creatures

Many kids have an imaginary friend.  Sometimes this imaginary friend will have special things they can do, like run super fast or hide really well.
I had an imaginary world with an imaginary species.  In fact, I was one of them.
I would like to introduce you to the Fang Creature.
fc
This was an approximately twelve foot long lizard with massive saber teeth at the back of its mouth.
In order to show off these remarkable blade-like teeth, fang creatures kept their Continue reading